not looking for big things…..

Sometimes, when i talk about the little things, i face a deluge of looks and comments hinging on amusement, sarcasm or plain disdain. But, i am a stubborn soul and no what matter, i don’t give up trying to get what i need even at the cost of being called eccentric or a lunatic.

all i need are the little things
some crayons and a drawing book,
just looking at the sun rise and set
or to breathe in the tranquil night air
travel to places unknown
and to discover new paths in the ones known
i can fall in love with a piece of paper
gush over a trinket 
like gloating over a treasure
i can spend hours
just watching someone smile
or watch the birds chirp
and then take a sudden flight
i am not someone without desires
but what i truly need,
are theses simple joys
give me days that are quieter
and evenings that are mellow
maybe a snug place with a cushy pillow
a pen and some paper to write on
with all the time in the world
to see, listen and learn from
i may be close to some kind of meditation
not entirely there
but somewhere on the way
cause i can detach
and i keep looking for some empty spaces
that i can fill up
with my many musings
i am in a little haste right now
there is much to do
and the restless me is clueless how
but maybe if i can just let to be
i will find my groove
and then, life would just be
filled with moments of epiphany
in each of which i would live a lifetime
moments will make my world
and not days and years, by the count

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this one is going to be shorter than short…

Sometimes, less is more. Words, the simplest of them , can speak volumes. They are the best retreat, the most potent panacea, the strongest, most liberating of all.

don’t push away the thought of lying low
or living in anonymity
cause a face can launch
a thousand ships
and the sea is seldom calm
a face to a name
is most times the start
of a not so happy game
that lays you bare
to speculations and snides
of those who will sit judge
over each of your smile, every  stride
all statements and even when you sit quiet
so why start something tumultuous
keep it steady and without fuss
all that is needed is a fade out
and getting away from all the clamor 
give yourself this chance
to understand and experience
a very different kind of calm


of the many times i have thought of giving up….

I sometimes wish to come out of my self imposed exile, thinking how it would feel to be my old self again. Can days be restored? I think not because that would need a whole lot of effort and when that happens, there is a deep sense of longing, even regret. So, maybe anonymity isn’t bad after all.

 many times i feel like giving up
on others, i feel like owning up
the hasty decisions or the faulty ones
and come out of my exile
live like i used to-
laughing, traveling, sharing
with not a thing to crease my brow about
i made my choices and i kept to them
i decided how far i was willing to go
and where to call it an end
i would like to claim my life back
and live it just like it was back then
plain wishes one would say
more complex is how i gauge
for what is simplicity in the here and now-
redundant, obsolete and a relic of the past
it is not let to live
when the world around you
is of the concocted, engineered, tempered and affected
i am forced to stay withdrawn
feel a little sheltered in this tight spun cocoon
hoping one day i will be able to come out once more
only this time, it will be trouble no more
the rest of my time would be as another face
that you may chance upon
or loose in life’s maze

what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger…mere words to induce a false sense of bravado….

I would rather admit to my human frailties and leave superheroes for the movies. I hurt and I wince with pain and now, i am not ashamed to admit it too.

pain doesn’t make you stronger
no, it doesn’t
what it does though is make chinks in your armor
you think all this while
that you will outlive this pain
but that won’t ever happen
cause the soreness will remain
and with it the memory of it will keep afresh
each time you cramp up or wince
a reminder of its might
against your own meek servility
to its unsparing whiplashes
 leaving you with nothing, no choices
other than simply to make do with it

of love and betrayals…..

 How about loving yourself, first? It may sound simple but when it comes to doing it, you realize it is one of the toughest things to do.

and more often than not
it is you who has lost
in the game of love and betrayal
each time you gave in,
every time you gave up,
each time you surrendered
every time you bowed
to people, words, circumstances
you betrayed ‘you’
cause you deserved what you denied to yourself
and what you thought will be called love
actually fell flat on its face
for like everything else
love begins with you
if you love yourself
is when you are able to give it too
so don’t betray yourself
led by beliefs and things people say
be in love with yourself
insanely and deeply
and see then
how self acceptance 
stops you from betraying the truest version of you

i am addicted to pain, i think…

Yes, pain can turn into an addiction. It kind of numbs you and you start to feel that a little more won’t harm. so, you let more and more in till the inner resources can’t dam it anymore and there is a spill that threatens to drown you in its spate.

i think, no, i am sure
there is this streak in me
the one that says-
i can deal with so much more
and that seems to work like a magnet
drawing me to people with their dragnets,
of falsity and crookedness
and the same old me
can see it and feel it
but would rather overlook
pretending its all fair
till the print is no longer all that fine
unless of course, one is totally blind
and i begin to loathe myself
for having been so gullible
to not read the patterns
of vile splattered with fake smiles
of sugar coated words to mask the evil
of duality and of vested interests
i am self annihilating
i am sure of this
cause why else would i inflict pain on self
knowing fully well
that there is only so much i can take
pain doesn’t make you stronger,
it only dulls and numbs
and fools you to believe
you are made of sterner stuff
slowly, it eats into you
and then, one day
it takes over you and makes you recoil
for what you left untended
turns into a malaise,
a disease that has no remedy
and you surrender to the thought
” i am wrecked”

 

forgive yourself for you are human too…

Time is and will be the way you want it, if you let go of how it was. The weight you feel is of the baggage from your past and should you say, ” Who doesn’t have one?”- look for redemption resonating in those very words. Go ahead, loose the excess weight, feel light.

when sitting judge on your life
be kind to yourself
the fact that you have chosen a day to decide
is daring enough
for it is a tough call-
this journey to exonerate yourself
of the past, the words and deeds,
the ones meant well but didn’t happen to be
don’t forget that you are human too
if you erred, there were others too
blame it on a vagrancy of time
things happened how they did
be forgiving, let go, breathe easy
remember,
the past never leaves you
when you run from it,
it turns into a blood thirsty hound
the shadows grow longer and denser
eclipsing your skies
till no trace of light is found
so why not just face it
let it bring you apart
for once you’ve been dismembered
what will be left of you to scare,
tear and part